Back At One

2011-10-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

I miss you very much but do you know about that . I doubt that as we barely know each other and if only we introduce to each other or became friends thats possible can be happen .

It was just my hopeful wish , isnt it ? Liking you is one thing ? Having a small crush on you is one thing ? What will happen if I approach you and whats gonna happen ?

I cant possible predict the future , cant I ? I can always approach for someone but not for myself as Im too afraid to do so . Dont asked me why .

But Im really lucky as I know where you worked at and I can go there with anyone I like but you cant say that Im a stalker as before you work there , its always been my fave place so ... yes , you cant call me that as its unfair .

2011-10-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

Flamingo Chew , is that your english name or just for fun ?

Then can I name myself as Bella Chew , how's that gonna sounds like ?

As if I'm Chinese Malay like that , like that oso can right ?

But it sounds as if we are siblings like you mom is chinese while your dad is malay but for me will be dad is chinese and mom is malay ?

2011-10-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what leads me to the school library but my feets and my mind was the one who lead me here and I've been spending my time here for 4 hours without break and keep playing the computer and think nothing . Just wasting my time here as if I've no life like that and indeed I have no life . All thanks to someone .

My instinct told me that hes not attached but someone said that hes attached and now I supposed to be sad of him being atttached instead I'm not crying at all like Im living my life like normally as if nothing has happen to me . At first , I was shocking that I couldnt believe that hes actually attached and that didnt get inside my head .

2011-10-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

Every night , I keep complaining not being able to see you . What do I do when you're around ? I dont give a damn to it but not when you're no longer around me , I keep looking around when I know I will never get to see you until next year . If I know when you are seating down all alone , are you waiting for someone to approach you but if it was me , I'm scared to approach you as I thought you would be a typical person that once a girl beside you would walk away and end up I didnt approach you at all .

Are you seriously not gonna accept my friend request ? Will you just get over it ? If you dont like me , say it to my face rather than playing these kind of mind games as I dislike it so much . If a girl that you like is playing mind games with you , do you enjoyed that or do you dislike it ? Or do you enjoyed it so much that you forgave her for playing mind games with you ?

Here am I waiting and sitting down at Library where this is your fave place . Your fave place and it has already became my fave as the first time I met you was here and it was love at first sight . I keep complaining that I want you to be right here with me and if you were attached me and sees me smoking , I want you to be the one gripped my wrist tightly and talk some sense with me so that I will stopped smoking .

Are you the one for me ? I cant really find any answer for you as you are not with me . If only Im related to you by your friends or my friends maybe we will hang out with each other but things will not always go my way . I always thought from the moment I like you , I thought to myself whether you're my Mr Right or not

2011-08-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

I dont know what I want for my life and for my happiness .
Will I ever get Mikhail Ashraf in my life ? Will we be together ?

2011-08-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

I wont make you in a tight spot but I want the best for you even though you doesnt know whether I exist in your world or not . In time to come , maybe you will know my existence in your life . Even if your friends are giving me this weird and unfriendly look but I dont mind as long as Im concern I like you and I shouldnt care much whether they are giving me weird look , I dont care at all if worst come to worst if you give me the same look as them , I got nothing say to you .

2011-08-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

A miracle has happen earlier on as what I've wish in the morning hoping that I'll get to see Mikhail at forum and coincidentally I happen to see him when I skipped my class and I was stunned and shocked for a minute as I couldnt believe it at all .

A miracle that change everything that I think and its good .

Besides , today is really a JACKPOT that I saw Mikhail , Sed and Alexander.

Its like package that I happen to see them as if I feel very lucky today maybe today is just my lucky day !!

2011-08-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

I'm at the library and hes not at here at all and I think hes at the classroom as its 1337 so maybe he still have class so I was thinking that he might be coming but I was wrong as he will only come here during break or when he has project only , I guess .

2011-05-19T02:52:00.000-07:00

each time when im facing a problem death is the way out as when i died , my family and friend will then apperciate you back but they got to know once i died , i cant return back to the old time but some people at the corner will be elated that this Nur Hydayu girl has finally gone but for one thing , I can tell you that if my spirit isnt feeling assurance and i'll make sure that i'll haunt that particular person for sure .

but am i really prepared to face death that soon ?

but i really wish that i cant just collapse anytime when i have problem . but can you grant this wish of mine to a person like me and i know that you only like holiest person but not me , am i right to say that . give me a rain weather if you prefer the holiest person but not me .

thanks .

HIDUP TAK BERMAKNA UNTUK ORANG MACAM AKU .

2011-05-19T02:40:00.000-07:00

no one wants to hear my side story first and everything im always in the fault .

you wont really get to feel how i feel when my closest friend get so nasty to me after one day spending my time with you . you are forcinng me to say something that you dont wish to hear from me that is you are a B.I.T.C.H as it has already reach my limit but being with my friend just for the sake of cigarettes , didnt you work , use that money and buy it !! thick-skinned at least , i ask money for food but not like you . CB!!

TaeYang CL Ga-In - Love The Way You Lie

2011-04-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

110311 Song Ji Eun (Secret) - Going Crazy @ Music Bank (MV Part.2)

2011-04-30T00:31:00.000-07:00

Im going crazy soon now .

2011-04-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

Life is kinda unpredictable as my girl-friends is either in relationship or dating while Im left the only one whos single and keep slacking around with my friends thats attached . Just give me time aites , once Im attached or whatsoever , I wont disturb you people anymore but it'll take a long tine for me to be in relationship all I could say that give me time .

2011-03-22T04:02:00.000-07:00

Today is the day that Im into Vampire Diaries and I like one of the hunks and his name is Steven R. McQueen . Simply gorgeous . Hes in the casting in Vampire Diaries as Jeremy Gilbert . Lovely and truly awesome !!

2011-02-14T05:22:00.000-08:00

Its been ages that ive last updated bout my life .

As usual , it has been boring all day long. Nothing better things to do at all .

School is back to normal , I guess . But , I still have the fear of seeing that miget . hah. how mean . shouldnt say that and is she still remember my URL , Im so dead meat and she'll totally tease me here and there . Ooopsy , should have known to stop talking boout it as the moment she appear before me , my mood will automatically change so i'll just stop at here.

Whats the use of searching for the guy's fb when you used to like but now you no longer liking him and its such a waste of time ? really waste of time and thats what Im doing right now , and I feel annoying when I keep calling him "dier" , "dear" and also "deer" . end up , i make up a name that his name is "danial" and i guess his the kind of person that suits the name called "danial" so i guess i'll be not searching his fb as in stalking him or whatever .

By 13 April 2011, I'll make sure that Im matured enough to handle things and also my well-being. I must be mature as that's my checklist for the year .

2011-01-23T05:33:00.000-08:00

What can I do to make you be mine ? Love is selfish things at times . Sometimes , you wont know what you are actually doing and when people starts to point things out to you , you will then realise that you're being selfish . At times , I cant deny that Im being like that too but Im also a human being , doesnt that makes sense too ? So , there are times that Im also like that too .

2011-01-23T04:23:00.000-08:00

I used to be someone to advise about love stuff but it seems Im no longer interested in it at all . It seems to be so boring and common . I want to aim something in my life . Maybe aim something that I wanted . The fact is that Im also confused w/ what I want in my life . Relationship can comes on the later part , firstly , I want a stable career and income . To live on your own w/o owing anyone's money . I got to clear my debts to my friends and also my family .

I already took one step that is being independent for 6 years and that already good enough to be independent girl at such a young age w/o any guy interrupting in my life . Im considered happy w/ my life already and the next thing is that I have to develop something that I want .

2011-01-09T04:47:00.000-08:00

Hey , its been ages that Ive last post and now here Im back . been busy watching korean stuff as usual . tomorrow is the big day , i mean that sounds so weird -_________- i mean tomorrow is the day i start my school and its my second year or even last year . Gonna get busy with attachment and stuff . I think Im gonna look for part-time job and because i dont want to depend on my attachment salary . maybe a barista at coffee bean . im kinda lack of working experience . need to gain alot of working experience . so maybe im working at united square just nearby my sister's workplace and also she work as a barista at starbucks .

2010-12-20T03:05:00.000-08:00

Hey , Im back . Hah . So how's life been doing for you guys ? How about me ? Simply fallen over heels with my korean band and group especially the boys . Its been ages that Ive last updated that is almost 1 month ago that I last updated but Im alright just full of ups and downs , I guess . Lets talk bout some other stuff , who can answer these question means they do really know me in and out .

1. What is my most favorite color ? Thats really simple questions .

2. What is my most favorite food ? Simple as always . This is just a warm up .

3. What types of guys does I like ? Its getting difficult .

4. Does Ayu have a weird taste when liking a guy ? Its either yes or no .

5. Do you think Ayu's excuse to learn how to be independent is just an excuses so that those people who surround her , will worry for her ?

6. What type of person is Ayu ?

7. Currently , does she like anyone from her campus ?

8. What's her favorite drinks ?

9. Is she choosy and fussy when it comes to food ?

10. What's her shoes size ?

Thats all for now . I'll be back .

Hey, Im back . Actually all those question is so easy .

2010-11-04T04:46:00.000-07:00

Life is so dull these days. Dont ask me why, anyway, if Taeyang of Big Bang needs a girl. How about me? What do I need in life? Maybe I need what..Can anyone tell me about it..? Some girls got but I dont really have that at all. Its because they are pretty while Im average. I made a promise with my dad that I will be single for 5 years and this is my 3rd year of being single. I made a promise. Promise is a promise. I will make up to it. So, people around me dont worry bout me. I will not die without them. Let it be that way but that doesnt mean I will let my parents find for me but I will look by myself.

2010-10-10T03:29:00.000-07:00

I really wish that I will get infected by hemoptysis. Coughing blood stain and people will get shocked with it and they will start to regret their mistake and this is what I say great, they deserves this. Serve you right for taking me for granted when I'm around and you doesn't know how to cherish me whenever I'm still around. I really hope that will cough blood and its bright blood right in front of your eyes and I wonder how's your reactions.

Now, all I can say that you'd better enjoy the satisfaction that I've give to you and when I have died and I hope that you will regret every minute that I've suffer when I leave under one roof w/ you inhuman people.

Best of luck, suckers!

2010-08-18T04:54:00.000-07:00

If you cant challenge yourself by overcoming your fear,I dont see the point of living in this world.

Theres really no point in living if you dont challege yourself.

This will be my next year resolution in advance.

Things that I have done in my entire life was that to confess to a guy that I hardly known and that was shocking to my life ever. The moment was totally awkward but after awhile the guy start to avoid from me and my thoughts was that he doesnt like you and/or he doesnt know how to react and that was the first thing that I have ever done and thats my fear of confessing my love to someone but that wasnt the first one.

My first confession is when I was only 14 years old and I like this guy for almost 3 years straight and only my girl-friends know about this. There was once, I was his buddy and after awhile we fought over something trivial that we hated each other so much. After that incident, both of us stopped talking to each other.

Then after hating and dislike him so much that it wanna make me to confess to him again when both of us was 15 years old and until now I can still remember his birthday and what was his number in the past. I wanted to confess to him on the sec 3 adventure camp where all of the stream gather around to have camp for 3 days and 2 night! But it doesnt happen at all.

I dont wish to say so much and its been 3 years that Ive last opened up my heart.

2010-08-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

Earlier on, I break fast eat fish soup. Mum cooks chinese cuisine as usual. Then after that had a private conversation with dad and today's topics was that is it good to get married along with parents arrangement or just find by myself and I brought the topic because I dreamt about me marry with a stranger and I will feel and find alot of awkwardness between my husband and I so I asked my dad an Q & A question about marriage wanting to know much more depth info bout marriage.Few minutes ago, I ask my dad alot of questions bout marriage, for example, why did the bride cry when she hug her parents, does the couple feel awkwardness when 2 strangers stay in 1 house, does the wife needs the husbands permission to go out, when a lawfully wedded husband kiss on the wife's forehead, what does that mean. Is there any special meaning for that, what if you marry a person but another party has a girlfriend/boyfriend.

2010-08-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

Flashback on my sunday's dream that is I get married with this guy and looks someone like Rahman(VE colleague) and hes muscular but kinda sensitive since my parents arranged this wedding that Ive asked them to. I went out with Nabeel(my religion friend) since we always bumped to each other at town area and he send me home even though he has married and until wad happen that both my husband and I are working at the same company and in the same time my bestfriend, Natasha was working in the same company as me and I shift my chair to Natasha and I talk to her and my husband turns his chair and wanting to hear everything after few minutes Natasha and I talked at the kitchen at the office and I was talking bout Nabeel with Natasha and he heard bout it and when its going home timee, both my husband and I took bus went back home besides we do have our vehicles and inside the bus both of us hold hands even though we are pissed off and we went up at the second storey of the bus, then when we have seated down, and I started to say something, "hey, even though when we've been married with each other for 3 months, Im still feeling awkward because we're seating together"and after that theres an empty seats and he shift there and I was kinda fed up and I gave Nabeel a call to meet up with me.

TBC!

2010-08-16T04:52:00.000-07:00

Im free from him and because I have stopped liking him and now Im alone for once again. I wont like him back just because my friend ask me to but I will follow my heart but now my feelings for him is not there and I see no points liking him when we dont talk to each other. I will only end up getting hurt if Im waiting for him and because Im waiting for him secretly and its so pointless so I guess I'll just stopped the journey with him. In future days, there will be no update about him at all and Im glad that it end this way.

2010-08-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Even if people ask me, why arent you attached and I will tell them, I dont find anyone that interested like how I like Dinni and not because Im not straight or what and the fact that Im straight but Im not interested in this thing. I depend too much on myself that I missed out on this kind of thing and even I dont have anyone now in time to come, there'll be someone will share my happiness and it may not be happen now but one fine day with someone that much more better than Dinni and all for now I could said that Im happy with what I have and it doesnt really matter whether I have my soulmate with me at this kind of time. Im really happy with those friends that is surrounding me.

2010-08-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

I want to go here and break fast but my best-sec-mate are so demanding as I didnt see him at all. Very demanding but seriously the views during the nights is soo nice.

Beast/B2st - Change [Dance Battle 2010]

2010-08-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yo Seob is so cute and the guy is his hair in blonde-white. Hes cute and I didnt expected that hes 20+ years old and I thought hes only 19+ but whatever its BEAST, I like!

2010-08-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

seriously, this time Im gonna move on with my life and theres something tat I wish to clarify bout Dinni. I no longer like him and all along I though I have feelings for him but actually my heart was just empty that I couldnt feel my heartbeat is beating very fast whenever I see him and I sometimes I just yearn to see him at school thats all. At last once or twice would be enough for me but now everything isnt the same like how it used to be and in the past I had feelings for him but now I dont have any feelings for him at all. This feelings has faded away since 3 months ago after that huge quarrel and so what we are friends back but we're not talking to each other and I dont see the point that we are back together as friend for. If marriage is just a piece of paper and how about friendship? You tell me about it. Is it piece of shit, piece of cake or piece of fun? I dont see the fun in our friendship and if you dare to come upto me that Im ur friend in front of your friend, I would belive you but this in nohing and so what I noe everything about him but we are not talking to each other at all. We are merely friends but we are not talking to each other and I guess I'll just stop my journey and things that got to do with you, Dinni. happy in your life.

2010-08-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hey boy, are you sure that we are friends but in the last few weeks, my feelings wasnt there for you anymore and what does that means and do you understand my sentences and are we friends just @ FB? Like what I am trying to say that Marriage is just based on piece of a paper so is it the same as friendship with Dinni. This is how I feel towards Dinni bout my friendship and so what even if I know him in and out, whats the use but we dont talk to each other at all and we cant even bother to say hi to each other @ school. Seriously, whats the use?

2010-08-09T04:17:00.000-07:00

Im not so over Dinni yet and thats for sure.

2010-08-05T03:58:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday after the first lesson at school , first time ever

I hit my knuckles against this wooden plank inside workshop.

2010-08-05T02:49:00.000-07:00

Right now, Im typing letters for my CA. Unofficial letter and I dont really have any idea how long will this take for this to happen. When on Monday night, I pray to God to put an illness inside my body, and if hes willing to do that then next day, it will raining and the next day it did rain heavily and somehow I forgetten what Ive wished on the previous days and it took quite awhile that he has received my prayers that he will put an illness inside my body. Now, Im coughing very badly and theres times that my tears will be automatically when Im praying to God and what I wished for, only He and I know bout this . Its between both of us. I can never tell my sad and unhappy moments with my parents or even anyone. I will only share it with Him. He brought me to this world and I only believes on Him. He is my saviour and I will love Him even though I cant see or even feel his presence but I know He'll always be there when I need him. What comes around goes around. I believe in karma.

2010-08-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

For once again, I went MIA for 3 days and I diverted all my calls to my voicemails. Im not sure how long will this takes but if it possible I do really want to go back to schools and it feels that Im hidding @ home. Mum and Dad asked me, " what time you start school?" and I say around 9 plus or even sometimes I changed the timing. How long am I going to do this? I will have to face them once and for all. Dont make me fight back. I could even slap a bitch like you. Just dont test my limit and if you do that you will see the bad side of me and you wish that me behaving this way, I can prove it to you and if you liked it. Dont make my anger come out fully. The first time that my anger went out when I hit my knuckles towards this wooden plank. Dont push your luck too much and now Im hurting myself. Dont make me hit my knuckles Dont test my limit and thats all I could say to you.

2010-08-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Again not sure whether Im going to school or not. Maybe yes or no. Can YOU help me decide whether to go or not? I'll just follow my heart whether I should go to school or not. Listen to my heart and it will not go wrong for sure and my heart say tonight that I dont have to go school again for 3 more days and I really went MIA in action. My good friend, Afiqah told me to ignore them but Im an egoist person but I just cant put with those person anymore. All I could say that between Syifa and I are really went to nought and it seems that its really over.Our friendship is ruined by that bitch and what makes that shortie to say things bout me. Just her luck, I admit that she has that beautiful face but her character is really bullshit and I hate her alot and thanks to this female bitch I really gonna her so much. Son of a biatch! Dont make me hate you for life. My hatred towards you is not over even though its a sin to hate someone and besides everyone makes mistake. Im a person that will not be able to forgive and forget and besides Im bearing the grudges that its deep inside my heart, no forgiveness for that bitch!

2010-08-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

Even though I didnt came to class and when I was otw to the forum to meet Nana and I happen to see Dinni and I thought I would be excited but I wasnt at any mood to look at him at all, and all I could do was just weird and thats I look down and didnt look at him at all but before that I saw a pair of shoe that look alike his shoe and I did that look up at his face whether its Dinni or not and its him but at time I wasnt in the mood at all so I couldnt care much about him.. Even though its almost like double happiness like Dad gave me money $36 for top-up card and school bag and now I happen to see Dinni even though Im feeling down and that wouldnt heal anything and thats all I could say.

2010-08-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

My bestfriend and that is thumbdrive has been found at the MLC! But I never went to class and all I do was just I spent almost 5 hours at school just to do my project and tap my ezlink card stating that I actually came and now Im totally running away from my problem. I went MIA for 2 days and no one actually called or text me about my whereabouts. Now, Im guilty about MIA afor not coming to school and now Im not sure whether I want to go school tomorrow, this is the first time ever that I did not went to school for 2 days and I couldnt imagine that I never come to school for 2 weeks and thats really MIA gone case. But now, whats really on my mind is that I would want to write my CA a letter stating the truth that Im actually went MIA that I dont want to face those people inside my class.

2010-08-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

Im back with Dinni, as in Im friend with him. I wrote him a message saying "Hey, Im not sure whether you still remember me or not. Can I be friends with you? I really want to be friends and I noe its not right for a girl to ask a guy this questions, all I wants to say to you that Im sorry about what happen and I know I was wrong, can we be friends?" and he reply me back saying "yeah sure" and when I read the message and I can feel that my heart is started to beat very fast. Good news, Im back with my heartbeat together. Im really happy that it started to beat very fast! Im back alive!

2010-07-30T03:53:00.000-07:00

today was a raining and windy day,
my mood was totally changed like all of sudden,
all I could say that I saw Dinni @ Cafe 1 around 12plus!

Dinni in blue jacket wearing maroon polo t-shirt.

then saw Aidil, Husaini, Ghazali and somehow his classmate

and when I walked passed them, they were talking bout his classmate

saying Jacob biscuits and when I pass them and hear them talking bout it

and I listen to them.then when I see his classmate and I told myself, he either

never come to school or he is in school and maybe im not in luck to see him

at all. and den going to cafe 1 for meeting for projects( i will skip onto seeing dinni),

den at cafe 1, I spot him with his classmate and due to not seeing him around with Aidil and the rest. When I spotted him, I wasnt being myself at all. My reaction is totally over-reacting.

Im really glad that I happen to see him. His face didnt really change that much except for his hair ,still the same. Pfft..Somehow, his hair got changed a little bit like Taemin (SHINEE).

Then queuing to pay the drinks and saw Mickey Mouse and again, went crazy for once again. Like in two combo sets, so cool. Wait, am I eating or what, why do I say it was in combo?

Pathetic, my heart color is in pink but not that black that much. Cool,isnt it? A miracle for me and Im back in the past of Dinni and I. It sounds great, isnt it?

2010-07-29T03:23:00.000-07:00

hey boy, why am I waiting and searching for you @ school. dont tell me that Ive started to like you or what. Im not sure whether Ive started to like you or not. You broke my heart once and I dont really want to feel it that way again. Im not trying to say that its not a good idea but I just want it to be the same but my feelings for him didnt really faded that much at all.

2010-07-28T03:18:00.000-07:00

OMG! I see Dinni again while I was waiting for my next lesson @ Business block and when I see him , I cant be myself and I cant even look @ him at all. He has that fiery eyes that makes me avoid to make an eye contact with him. The feeling is totally scary. Even when hes not that near me, I would still be afraid to make an eye contact with him, not trying to say that I cant but its just that your eyes are too fiery for me to handle but still Ive seen you thrice today and its because Im having a lesson and in the same time, your class is just beside me and remember this, I only miss ya but not starting to like you.

Dinni, even though you are in front of me but not such a near distance but still Im not that bold enough to look @ you in yours eyes and even though you doesnt really recognise me anymore and I dont really mind @ all because you've forgotten me and I had gone from your life like forever and ever, but deep in my heart felts that you're the sweetest memory have I ever had in my life.

Im not giving up a forest just because of a tree and you're the last guy that Im gonna like.

2010-07-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

I saw Dinni again twice like 1 a week I see him !! Wah!! So happy and just in time I miss him alot and I did get blushed and no one noticed at all. Im glad that Ive seen him! Im really happy! Missing him too much this days but not that much larh. Hahaha. Well, I dont really get to see him everyday like in the past and now I only have to pinned hope and luck whether I can see him or not. Happy alooot that I get to see him and how I wish I can sing but my voice is damn awful to the max.

Hey there, remember that I miss ya aloot but not the other way round and if I were to like you again and I dont think that is possible to happen because its sinking deep inside my heart, even if theres a small chance that I might like him but it would happen because it has already sinking deep and deeper. I will only have a crush and after that its gone. I dont wish to have another heartbreak again. I dont want to pinned too much hope on him. Ending up, that me , myself getting hurt.

I cant imagined if I were to have a boy-friend that much more better than Dinni but in the same time, if you were to go home with him and etc. For me, it'll be totally awkward for me to hold with someone that is a guy. I cant imagine that. I want to slim down myself not for boys but for myself!! I want to be much different, can I?

2010-07-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

i couldnt believe that i just did tat, tat i want to laugh so much. im such a silly girl. hahaha.

miss her alot. her smile. her kindness towards everyone.

love her alot but it seems that i cant find that smile in my soul anymore and just feels that shes gone just like that.

already gone reminds me of kelly clarkson's song. hahaha.

2010-07-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

In Loving Memory Of this is me. Nur Hidayu /Shayu Kim

13 April 1993 - 25 July 2010

Due to Brain Tumour.

May You Rest In Peace In Heaven.

* I was jokking around and dont take it seriously and as I was being bored to death and thats why I had this idea of doing this joke and I was just fooling around.*

2010-07-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

im not broken hearted girls and its just that i want to know whats the different between emotions and love. im kinda dumbass when it comes to a relationship and in the past, I thought Im an expert when it comes to it but not it proves me wrong. i no longer feel any love in my life and i think that im turning to heart of stone instead of heart of red color. can i still turn back time and be myself like in the past.

2010-07-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

what does this mean when a person cough very badly as if something bad will happen to her?

what does this mean when a person cough very badly that she cough with blood along with it?

does that means her days are numbered?

should she gave up just like that without trying hard to live her day?

or should she spend her day wisely until her day is up?

what if she wish that she have leukaemia or even brain tumour so that she'll be able to leave the world with peace even though she doesnt mind not having any boyfriend,husband or even children and for her, death is the best way for her to let go of everything and soon people will forget bout her and they will keep doing sin and doesnt repent.

do you want your beloved ones to leave you after another?

or should she just rest in peace without worry bout anything and leave everything to her family?

2010-07-25T03:04:00.000-07:00

Dont give up a forest just because of a tree.

Even if my life span has been shorten, Im grateful that Im able to live happily until my days has been numbered and now I'll just leave happily even though my days has numbered.

I may not be in love now, but somehow He wanted me to give it a rest so that I wont be so broken heart after previous incident.

Besides Im not mad at him after what has happen, its good that him had told me the truth but not the lies.

Im just angry with myself, Im forcing someone to like me even though they dont even know me that well.

All I know that I will not force someone to like me but I will let time to make me heal my wound before Im going to start anything that concern my hearts

As far Im concern, my heart is sinking deeper and deeper. I dont mind that my heart is sinking deeper and deeper or even sink it more deep.

2010-07-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Kim Hyun Joong is so handsome too!! Love him aloooot!! Love him to the max!! But too bad his twin brother that is Dinni has cut his hair and transform himself onto Lee Taemin's hairstyles.

2010-07-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

Lee Min Ho is soooooooooo handsome in Personal Taste, he look so handsome with his spikey hair. I love that kind of hairstyle and can I find someone with hairstyle like that? Its really so freaking handsome!!

2010-07-23T02:42:00.000-07:00

The curse is broken that Dinni has made previous month after we had a huge argument and today while I was having my tea break and I was eating and I didnt really notice whoever was passing by and when Syifa came back and ask me , did you see him at here and I was like who.. and she say its Dinni and she say he has a new hairstyle like Taemin (SHINEE) and I was like; really. I told myself I will not search for him and I will wait for the chance to come then I will look at him and when my three of my friend went to toilet and my another girl-friend of mine was looking at someone focused and I ask her and I asked her, who is she looking at and she say to me , isnt that afiq/dinni and I turned back and check out whether it was him or not and indeed it was him and I continued to do my own stuff and after that I began to be curious how he looks and I keep turning around and I didnt get to see his face but only the side view and after that Wasi start to comment on me turning around and say, keep looking at boys (malay). and Dinni was at the snack bar and I turned behind again and finally I get to see him and I tell myself that the curse has broken.

2010-07-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

OMG! I lost my USB that fills with all kinds of picture and docs!

SHIT!!

now, Im going to have a changes on my liking a person and that is I like Gay Boys that is handsome;hot stuff. Do they even exist?

why hot guy that is straight is like a jerk?! Arsshole!

2010-07-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

Im still into the storyboardline called "Wedding dress" and its because aizal is leaving me for ryan and because Im dying due to my so called "illness". I shall stopped this as Im kinda tired of this thing at the moment.

Yesterday was touch rugby training and my first impression of the seniors was that they are having conflict for one thing got one guy the hairstyle was like totally like Rifdi(someone) or even Dinni's hairstyle but much longer.His fair was so much fairer than Rifdi.

Hey Rifdi, dont mind me. I was just giving example.

2010-07-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

I guess I've forgetten about him. Totally went out of mind and it seems that its really gone at this minute and I find it very silly of me to let go of everything that I had in just few while and all I could say that I was stupid to let that tiny happiness to let go of this tiny opportunity and thats all I could say but as times comes by, I will forget about it and now Im in the process of forgetting him and I dont feel pain at all and this is the first time that I feel this away and its surprising for me to feel this way and now Im getting tired of this phrase " Im so sorry but I love you" and thats how I feel at this minute while writing down the storyboardline called "Wedding Dress" and I know the title of the storyboardline is kinda weird but I like it alot and its because Im the author of the story. I mean, isnt that the obvious enough that I enjoy it this much.

2010-07-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

Im so sorry but I love you but the wishes has been grant and now I cant take back my words.How? I guess, I will just have to let it go. Im so sorry but I love you and thanks to my foul mouth, I cant take back my words since it has been grant.Maybe He wants to teach me a lesson of not wishing someone that I love to be gone from my life. So, Im so sorry but I love you. Only God knows what does this mean all about. Even Im not sure, what color is y heart at the moment and all I could say its sorrowful in my heart and too much sad in it. Its been ages that I didnt hear anything thats called, "I like you" or even "Hes so handsome" and the last time that I said that when I like Dinni and thats like almost 2 months ago. Theres once , I cursed Dinni's love life, saying that "hoping that your love life will be full of relationship" and now it seems to be at me.So, I guess I believe in karma.

2010-07-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

it seems that that person is really gone from my life and it seems that this time round, my wish has come true and during my school days, I tried to go to the forum where we sees each other at there but he wasnt at there at all.since, im a stuborn girl that wanted to get what i want and think of others while shes in the last place bout everything so I guess, I only think of my pride when it comes to relationship. Can I take back my wishes that I wanted to have that making him gone from me? But, when I dont see him I will start to search for him everytime I sat at the forum. Can I take back my words and its been 2-4 days that I didnt see him. Only You knows what exactly I meant by that. I will not say it out loud because everything is in my heart and now Im not sure what color is my heart is. But somehow, I've the answer and thats heart of black.thats all I could say for now. God, can I really take back my words? Lets make a trade, if I saw him or even took a glance and after that I will walk away and now its his turn not seeing me anymore. Can I take back my words? I LOVE YOU ALOT, ALLAH.

2010-07-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

I guess that person has gone from my life like I wish to happen and I guess my wish has come true but now Im back to one square that Im playing game at school with my mate and again today, I did search for him @ the forum area and this happen on the same time that I was again searching for him but I really wished that he'll be gone from my life. Im so sorry, love. Im really a dumbass when it comes to love no matter how hardworking am I but I really have no interested in relationship not trying to say that Im a lesbo or wad.just feel that its not the right time for me to have a relationship.Im single. All the single ladies.

2010-07-12T03:27:00.000-07:00

I guess somehow Im like liking someone but I feel that everytime I see him because hes my classmate's cousin and at times, I spot him at anywhere I go and sometimes I will say to my mate,"hey, your cousin is at there." and today,I was somehow seating at the forum and I was seating nearby the Cafe 1 and somehow I was like looking/searching for him at the same time and when my three of my mate went to the bookshop and leaving me at the forum all alone and I was already like," how come its me the one who stay at the forum all alone" and after that I was searching for him and when we were about to head for our next lesson, we walk pass the business block and I saw him with his classmate. I didnt really know that he was seating just beside me in between the podium and I was already like shocked and surprised at the same time, like trying to ask myself, "how on earth did he appear at there?" and when I heading to the next lesson. then, my mate asked me to photocopy a timetable and I went with Azlin and when we get at the bookshop and before that we wanted to go nearby the Cafe 2 den I said, its different and when I went beside the Co-op shop, when we went towards Cafe 2, again we saw each other. Just not sure whether I like him or do I just want to end my misery by letting myself to like someone that I dont really noe and bout this and now I wish this feelings of mine will be gone and if I were to be attached with that someone, will they be able to accept that I wanted to be with them because I want to end all of this misery of mine. Will they?

2010-07-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

I dont understand why I cant talk to boys but I can make an eye contact with him but I dont dare to look up in their eyes that long.I will either "naikkan kening" to them and they will do the same towards me.Is it because I was hurt too much thats why He want me to rest for awhile but now I dont feel the love in my heart anymore.I just feel really empty that I couldnt feel love in my heart.Usual I will feel there's an red heart within me but not its black heart is within me, maybe I should really rest and think nothing about this.Then,from there maybe I can live more happily without boys and I think this should be the mindset,have a positive mindset throughout the year will be better, no problems and theres no need to sacrifice anything at all.So, I guess hes telling me to have a long break so that I wont feel anymore heartbreak by anyone.

2010-07-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

Its been ages that I post my past life.So it has been really ages and if Im not wrong, its been like almost a year that I have not post anything here and now I dont have any idea why I end up logging in and posting in blogger instead of onsugar. Alot of happen in this few years and somehow this blog is a private blog and I guess this is wear I can put my pain and sorrow in here.Last year till now, Im still single for at least 5 years and how long will it take for me to attached not trying to say that Im a desperado or what just feel that Im kinda pathetic and lonely with my life.Its been 7 months and Im single and now I cant imagine if I were single for 5 years.How will it feel.Life will be pathetic and I thought I can live without boys but Im afraid that I was wrong. I just feel that I want to be like any of the girls in these world.I really cant imagine when I see all of my friends and cousin are getting married,engaged and attached while Im single at one corner.

2009-12-13T03:45:00.000-08:00

how i wish that we never knew each other and

I dont talk at you and take a glance from you

but you just went up to me and say hi and from

that moment onwards I started to get infatuated

by you but I know that I cant avoid you and its all

because we're colleague, am I right to say that for now?

and right now, I think Im right to say that and now ive

to go through all the pain that you left on me and do you

know how painful it is for me to endure it and myself

flashing back all the things about you. what can i make so

that your faces of yours disappeared from my mind,

my head and my heart.

how do I make it disappear forever and never ever get

face in my mind,my head and my heart..?

is it possible for me to forget you..?

lets hope that im able to forget about you and im sure

it will take a long time for that to happen and as for now

i'll have to endure it for a long time.

will have to endure no matter how hard it will be and

i'll try my very best to endure it how difficult can it get.

so wish me luck so that it will heal quickly without me

myself realise it.

2009-11-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

If Im not working, in a day. I can barely post 2 to 5 post and its because im very free and maybe I'll just say everything whats going on in my life and so on but at times I will get overboard when I post everything so please dont take it to heart!

2009-11-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

In this world, there's no such things thats called boy

and girl can be buddy forever and who knows it may

turned out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Usual buddy are meant for boys but not girl and we

doesnt fit to that criteria at all. Girls called their girl-friends

are babes but not buddy.

You people must be wondering why I start this topic.

Frankly speaking, its because I went through all this.

I like my schoolmate and it ended up that we are buddy

and I felt very stupid.

Such an idiotic and foolish person!

2009-11-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

Day by day, my taste seems to be changed alot.
For example, my taste of liking a person.

Now, Im gonna be unique and that is my aim at the moment is

having a unique cellphone then other teenagers that use the kind

of cellphone and I would want to have Nokia Blackberry E71.

An unique situation again. Have I started to change this much since

the day I work. The kind of phone that I wanna use has all has change
drastically.

I hope that I change for GOOD but not BAD!

Wish me luck people..

2009-11-22T06:16:00.000-08:00

Well, I have not been updated that actively since

I was working at WildWild Wet that is Downtown East.

I can tell that Im getting tanned totally tanned.

Meet kinda alot of people and different kind of person.

I wished that I wont like my colleague and it has happen and

it was because I cant let my eyes be shut. I even cant different

between good-looking,average or even ugly. The only thing that

I can say that I have a unique taste.

Indeed, I really have a unique taste but now I does not what

kind of boy do I attracted to. Maybe someone that is good-looking,

smart, sense of humour, able to listen to my sorrow and happpiness

at all times.

Am I able to find someone that is suit to my criteria..?

Am I able to find someone like him again..?

Am I able to find someone like him..?

When will I be able to meet this person..?

Is it when I will going to leave this world

and he will be the one who send me off..?

I will not regret but I'll be satisfied to see him before my last breath..?

I will make sure that things will be completely be fine without me..

2009-11-22T05:03:00.000-08:00

2009-11-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

They called me Hippo and another person called me

Thirsty Hippo but Im not that petty person and not easily angry anymore.

Has become more and more straightforward person after working at there.

New changes from me. People may thought that they can influence me but I

am totally difficult to influence me if something that make me so disheartned

then maybe they can influence me but too bad they cant do that at all.

Im not that angry wif them calling me Hippo or even Thirsty Hippo just make

sure that you dont go over the limit. Thats all I can say. Dont too overboard and I will getangry and I will ignore that person totally. As for now, nothing has happen to me at work.So, people dont push your luck. That doesnt mean Im being quiet oreven anything, Iwont do anything about it and also depends who is the person.Rememeber, dont push your luck too much and thats all I can say..

I will miss everyone of you guys!!

2009-11-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

On Saturday during work, I see him like 10 to 20 times and

I didnt expect myself to be counting how many times I see him.

I know its weird to hear and see this after I say that I'll let him go

but when I dont get to see him I'll think that hes absent from work

but then after I change my station and after my friend say that he didnt

come but the fact is that he came and its just I cant see him at my area

besides hes a lifeguard and where do I expect him to be at..

Isnt that logical enough? Dont you think so?

After I get to see him at one place and I purposely went to the place

where I can see him and I told myself that Im doing in purposely so

from there I began to smile and smile has been very wide and I'll keep grinning to

myself and I did doing that !

But, then he got whistle at me because of some work issue but he keep whistle

at me but as for this I didnt get to bother this too much but at least I can see him.

I got both advantages and disadvantages. Actually, when I see the schedule I

feel like OT but when of my feelings was gonna gone I cant decide and I finally I

wanna an OT and the reason is because I request for an OT just for the sake of

him but few minutes later, I dont feel like having an OT and its because I wanna

play at Wild Wild Wet. It seems that things doesnt go my way so I will just have to work

then. What can I say. Thanks to my foul mouth that I wanna an OT but after few minutes

later I find that my OT is quite worth it because I can get to see him.

I 'll give more updates about this. I got to go!!

Bye! Miss me and miss everyone a lot!!

2009-11-12T18:21:00.001-08:00

Last night, I have started to listen to all the sentimental

song and its all because of him and Im well prepared for it.

Will I get another breakdown and the answer is totally YES!

Its because Im having my breakdown at this minute. I really

had enough and after this I might as well dont risk my heart ever

again maybe because Im being too lenient toward them.

Thats why Im always having this breakdown just like that

and Im always the one who will be having it not anyone but

its always be me.

Its time to let me go of him and also to make sure that I will let

him go forever and ever. I will make sure that will happen and if does

happen. Im prepared for everything..

2009-11-12T07:51:00.000-08:00

No longer in doubts about Cat and Joe.
Its just reminds me of Ben and Mel.
Such a small world, isnt it?

Finally, Im relief wif all kinds of pressure!
Lastly, a new person has come to make my hope all go shattered!
Its gonna be over soon.

Need to ask him question by this Saturday!
Hope that Im able to control myself and never let
him suspicious that I like him.

Since he has his special someone and now its time for me to back off!
Its time to let it go forever and ever. No more turning back! Once it gone,
it will never be yours again! Never!!

2009-11-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Will I get another breakdown from another person ?

I know myself too well enough than anyone else that I will get a breakdown when things doesnt go my way anymore and all of it will be shattered just like that.

Will I ever risk my heart again?

Maybe yes or even no. At times, I say no but soon or later it will just be opened again by itself..

Will this come to an end?

Yes, it will come to an end when the time is ripe. Everything will be gone just like that.

Will it be gone forever?

It will be gone forever and ever. Now and forever. Soon or later, I will forget about you. Every single thing about you will just lost and I cant take it back.

How long will this last?

It will not last forever. This gonna end and soon or later, will be having a breakdown session that I will start to cry everything out..

I know that it will not last forever!

Exactly! Once its not yours, you will have to let it go. If its yours, it will return back to you.

One day, I know that my feelings will not last forever when I know something about him and soon everything is over!

Soon or later, every feelings for him will just go fade. All I can say is "ITS OVER!"

2009-11-11T08:13:00.000-08:00

StRaIgHt To My HeArT!!

Cupid Love is shooting at me and Im madly in love wif you and Im just going with the flow!
I will try my very best to be myself when you are around me and I will try my best to control myself so that you wont know that I like you. So that you wont get to see that Im blushing like one tomatoes.

Im getting high nowdays all because of you! You made my life on last Sunday! I really begin to like you double up the feelings and I really like it and I made a silly mistake when Im working because Im thinking too much about you.

I got bruised on my both knee and I accidentally hit my forehead on the railling/railiing and it doesnt hurt that much because Im blinded wif love and the person is obviously you! Someone says that you look like Bruce Lee when you wore your shades.

Am blinded wif love and really been blinded love and you make my imagination about you really very wild,sweet and funny! Just love them and until I hit my knee when I was about to abroad the bus and it hurts for a while and after that I doesnt feel any pain at all.

You really make my life really wonderful! I like you a lot and not to the extend that I will love you! Im in love wif you and thats all I can say! Thanks for everything. I can forget everything and go to fantasy world wif you at this minutes!

2009-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

Straight Through My Heart

I like you very much!!

2009-11-11T07:45:00.000-08:00

Hidayu is in love again.
This time round, it was a Malay guy from her work.
Looks like Bruce Lee.

On Sunday, I seat just beside him and eat lunch
wif him and also some of the colleague.
He was the one who offer me to eat wif him
so I was so happy when I sees him taking his wallet
and his handphone and I can tell that

hes gonna having his lunch.

In the same time, I had my lunch too.
I ate western and a while later I didnt

realise that hes just next to me
and I turned to my right and he was there.

Isnt that incredible..?

I really like Taufiq very much but I cant

promise you that this will last longer

but I hope that this will last for at least for 4 months..

Hope that this will last longer!!

2009-10-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

I wonder hows my friend doing. Im not saying that I miss them but actually that I missed everyone of them including my teachers too. Thats include my teacher that is at overseas that is Miss Rose..

Just wondering hows everyone doing. Whether they are happy,sad, or even what. But I know for one thing that everyone is looking for a job and I have found one that make me became so tan and kinda dark tat is working under the hot sun. How terrible can it get. I mean how pathetic can it get.

I dont mind at all just making sure that I will think about my beloved Sunshine. Miss him very badly that I wanna died. How I wish I will see him tomorrow at my work place and that will be great. I know that will never happen but how I wish for a miracle to happen at my work place.

Imagines that my beloved Sunshine is coming to my workplace, how wonderful can it be but I know that all of this wont come true. He would rather play street soccer with his beloved friends and brother. Who am I to him asking him to come to my workplace. Unless he's my close friend then I can ask him to come but hes only my beloved Sunshine in my mind and my heart.

Gonna endure all of this. I know that my friend say that theres still many guys out there. I dont care what they say. I really happy that hes my last malay guy that I like him.

Thanks a lot , Sunshine. <3

I will miss you. <3

I <3 YOU ! ! !

2009-10-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

Some poems or quotes

there are times for you together and there are times for you to be apart

if my wound has heal please forgive me and if my wound has forever heal please forget about me

if its not yours you will have to let go and if its yours it will return back to you

sumday u'll forget about me my name,my voice, who I am,what I am to you but even if you forget about me jus wanna u to know that I will never forget you

what had done, cannot be undone, it will remain the same

no one can predict what will happen in the future, NO ONE. Except for HIM..

my eyes are hurting coz I cant see you,

my arms are empty coz I cant hold you,

my lips are cold coz I cant kiss you,

and my heart is breaking coz Im not wif you.

2009-10-24T23:39:00.000-07:00

Finally, the story of "What Hurts The Most"

has ended that I have been doing for the past 2 an a half month.

That can make my brain go burst but it didnt burst at all just need to rack

my brain about what should I write but some parts, I got fabricated them.

Need to fabricate them, so it will be more interesting enough and also

giving me more ideas of what to write.

Kinda unique and hidden talent that I have

that is writing a comic/storyboard line since I was Primary 6,

thats been 4 years that I wrote it.

Whoever I rejects me in real life, Im gonna twist my words

in the story so whatever its the story kinda funny,sad and happy.

But mostly, in the story I am the one who is always dying..

Totally nuts, every story that I made is always me that is dying and time

again and again Im the one who will be in an accident or even dying.

Nothing better things that I can write about myself.

Maybe the next story, Im gonna changed the method of making it maybe

Im gonna saved my friend from being stabbed. I guess..

I cant think of anything that is good maybe thats the

only way for me to make myself entertain..

If I dont like that person anymore and if I were

to read it, Im gonna laugh and keep grinning because its

very funny and I will not believe that I like this particular guy..

It will be very unbelieveable..LOLS..

miss me,

ayuhaha_miss_sunshine

2009-10-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

Flashing back to 17 October 2009

I will just say everything about Sunshine, morever this post will be everything about Sunshine so have fun reading them and maybe you you will be able to know who am I talking about.

At first when I was at sun tanning myself and I sees him walking towards the place. Immediately, I went inside the side to hide my presence from him and eventually I got to face him when Im taking my lunch and actually I was at the shore drying myself and after a while I see him playing soccer with our friends.

Inside the sea, we were playing polo water and I was somewhere that is far besides I was floating away and after a while I stopped floating and from there I started to play with him and then my friend helplessly help me call him to play with us when I was about to go to the shore and have a rest. Since, he is at the shore I shall forgo the resting and keep looking at him until the end of the day and soon or later, I may not be able to see him anymore.

There was one time, he purposely throw the balls at me and I was not angry or even sad but I was just hoping more than that he is talking to me but I didnt write in the letter about him giving me a wonderful memory on 17 October but I totally forgetten about it. How dumb can I get since the letter and outing has occured what can I do just keep flashing back about the letter and also the picture of him and thats the only thing that I can think about.

Once again, I would like to take the opportunity to thanks all of my friends for putting up with my nonsense and crap. Thanks a lot, people. Thanks for being there for me. Thank you. Hope that you will like the letter that I have given you 1 week ago.

Thanks for everything.

2009-10-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

Date: 16 October 2009

I watched it at Vivo City with Wei Rong,Tze Hao and Jane. I went to Jane's house and fetch her and it was actually a surprised because the night before I told her maybe yes or maybe no I am not going because Im kinda sad about the Graduation thing and immediately shecalled me back and asking me, why I am not going at the last minute eventually she can read my mind, she say I am sick and that's why I am not going and there was when she made me sad and I cry for at least few minutes and its kind pathetic to cry through the cellphone and when we've put down the phone Itext her and I say "If tomorrow, I does not appearat your house , it means I am not going to watch the movie.." but I went to watch the movie..I picked her up wearing black t-shirt and jeans.. She gave me comment about the bag and this time round I look kinda different. Then, I gave her the letter that I wrote for her on two days ago. I told her to read the letter before going out and she really read the letter and I see her reading the letter and few minutes later, we went off.. Then, she called me a mother because I keep her wallet inside my bag and that's really very nice of her calling me as Mummy or even Mama..LOLS..We went to AMK Hub and meet up Wei Rong and then on the way, sees Khaliff and Khai at AMK Hub. Meet up Tze Hao at Vivo City and when inside the theatre and Tze Hao and Jane while Wei Rong and I seat together at the same row. The funny part was, Wei Rong usual thing that he will do is opening his mouth very wide while I make sound effect , as for Jane she will keep adjusting until she gets the right spots of which side to seat at and Tze Hao will keep folding his hands or evenput his hands inside the pocket and the moviewas kind scary,funny,romance and sacrifice. About the scary part is about the tsunami thing even though its only a computer thing but still its so scary. About the funny part, people being hitting time again and wanting to pull the child's teeth and its very funny..LOLS.. About the romance part, where a lifeguard wanting to save a lady that is drown and that's really very funny. About the sacrifice part, when the tsunami occured the lifeguard when to save the lady and man , when the lady has been saved, except for the lifeguard and the guy has not been saved, the lifeguard sacrifice and I cry..

2009-10-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

finally, everything is done. all is done.

printing and typing it in one day and my

body feels very aches and now cutting

them into half. Up next, hoping that my

classmate will apperciate all my hardwork

that I have been doing like one month ago.

now waiting for day to come which I am not

sure whether to give the letter today or even

on Saturday. I will give some of the today and the

reason is because some of them are not going to the

outing that I made. I hope that they will like my small gift

of mine even though it sound as if I am gonna died but thats the

only thing that I can do for them and soon later, we will not be

seeing each other again. The last thing that I can do for them and

I hope that they will apperciated.

2009-10-13T02:54:00.000-07:00

I WILL JUST FIT EVERYTHING IN AND I DONT CARE WHETHER YOU UNDERSTAND IT !

Date: 5 October 2009

Last monday, I give him a new nickname that is Sunshine,its because his name starts with the letter "S"..Then,behaving intimately with my T.T.M that is best-close-guy-friend that is Khaliff then during exam I had some other then and I list down all the guys that I like and supposingly people went to have an exam is to make sure you do well in your studies and after few minutes, I was shocked to see that being 4 years in AMKSS and overall I had 16 guy that I like and that was really shocking to know.

Date: 6 October 2009

Make an eye contact wif Mr Sunshine and that's so great. Such a unforgetful memory that he had given me during the exam.Hahaha.. He is making me unbearable as if he cant make me breathe properly and all of my attention is directly to him but no one else. Sounds really pathetic,isnt it?

Date: 7 October 2009

Make an eye contact with Sunshine again..LOLS.. I am going GAGA over him. I like it so much. I would prefer making an eye contact at class and that will make me nuts whenever I seat at and I will facing towards him and thats really great. Its just so great. Day by day, I am getting overboard about him and yyou know what I like it a lot..

2009-10-13T02:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have being flashed back about this person in what ocassion I also dont know why. Perhaps there was one time I went to lunch cum dinner with him and I sat beside him and people will be able to know that I like him even my unit's friend can tell that I like this pathetic guy. I dont know why I like someone like him. Maybe I got some unique taste of liking a guy that is good in their studies I guess. I caught him red handed when I was taking a Drill exam and I saw him staring at me for quite long time. Not long later, I took the same bus to school to witness the NCC Land R.O.D. , when I got inside the bus and I thought, theres no one but there was one time I turned my head and I found out that he is also inside the bus and I begun to freak out and once I got out of the bus, I quickly rushed off to the school and immediately tell my close friend that I took the same bus as him and almost the Sec 4 knows about it and I was like "OMG,they seemed to know about it!". After few minutes, while we were witnessing the parade, my friends offer me and say,"Hidayu,you should seat beside him ",and I stare at my friends for few minutes and I am back to normal. Half hour later,he went back home and I guess he watch Transformers with his friends. We went to have our lunch at KFC, we keep wondering where we should go..It was a memorable day for me. Then, I decided to go and watch midnight movie that is at Orchard and I am the only girl. Few days later,I was been grounded because I went out with 4 guys in the night but they are my friend that I know for 4 years. Is there any wrong with it..?? So,I guess he really make my HIGH SCHOOL LIFE go wild. Well, his name is Calvin Tay..

2009-10-12T04:12:00.000-07:00

Date : 2 October 2009

During MT lesson, we didnt have any lesson but we were cleaning up the room and called Klein to come inside the class and there's also I suggest to my teacher to call him and Xiao Wei ask where is he and I say that he should be at the counselling room and when I went to the counselling room and indeed he was at there talking to Ms Mullai and after a while he got back to the classroom..

The boys is cleaning up the classroom and some of the boys did not help that is James, he went up to me and ask me what's wrong with my leg but for one thing, I like wearing sandals to school because my feets look small rather than the sports shoes..Hahaha..lols..

James told me that he will be make a music video and he say all those music that I have never heard of and I suggest to him why not use graduation song by vitamin c and I told him that Shi Jia say that I on the day of FAREWELL ASSEMBLY, I am the first person to cry during the assembly.

Please somone help me to endure this emotions of mine. Im just afraid that I will cry non-stopped that I couldnt stop at all..

2009-10-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

Date: 1 October 2009

watch Phobia 2 again but this time wif kechiq,natasha,nad,dinie and heidi,khaliff,nana and I at Jubilee, we rushed to the cinema and it was boring for bothe kechiq and I because we watched it twice and we can remember what's gonna happen in the next few minutes and all of them will ask what will happen in the next few minutes and I told them just to watch and keep your mouth shut yet after few minutes they will start again and got some people watch horror movie and she listen to MP3, isnt that stupid and tats such a waste of money and you wanna watch the movie and instead you listen to MP3..I can say that is really such a waste of money..

HEY, I REALLY CANT BE BOTHER ANYMOR ABOUT THIS POST ! ! ! !

2009-10-09T04:47:00.000-07:00

Date : 30 September 2009

Emotions gonna show up besides it has already show up like freak crying and crying until few days I stopped crying because my eyes look very swollen..

All got to do with Sunshine because he was very angry with Natasha and also myself and on Monday ; 28 September I cry all because of him..I cry when I listen to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson and Xiao Wei was there with me when I cry very bad that Xiao Wei had to called Natasha to have a look at me and I cry in front of Natasha, Nad and Nana even Xiao Wei was in shocked to see me crying very badly..

Natasha was on the phone with S.Natasha telling her that I cry very badly..and after a while Natasha handed me the phone and I tried to lied but it's just because she can tell from my voice that I cry this bad that it has really change.. totally changed..

After a while, I am alright..I get too noisy that no one wll be able to take it..

In the afternoon, I went back home take cab not in the mood to take the public transport and that make me waste my 10 bucks and after that wash my sisters clothes that she will be going to work during late evening, and in the late aftenoon went out for the Hari Raya Celebration with Khaliff, Kechiq,Bengap,Aidil,Nad,Heidi,Nana,Ariffin,Matin and the others too..
( Did I miss out anyone??)

Then we slack at Sunshine's block and then I got see him and he's looking way too hot for me to handle after what he done to me..Hehehe..I know it's kinda weird to read this from me..

Then we went to Sabariah's house that is Khaliff's friends and after that we had no idea where to go.. My leg is injured due to the blisters..Thanks to Khaliff, he wore my heels and I wears his shoe and for the first time in my life my boy-friend is wearing the heels for me..I keeping saying thanks to him and keep saying " I love you and you really save my day by wearing the heels for me" and thanks a lot..

On the way to Diana's house, we were walking toward the house that is nearby where Sunshine play street soccer..Hahaha..Kinda weird,isnt it..? I told them whether they have any camera so that I can take picture..I told them can I zoom in and take his pictures and see that he's playing the soccer and how I wish he was there with me but I know that I went overboard about Sunshine..

After going to Diana's house we had decided to watched movie instead of visiting people and guess what I watched, we watched the Fame and the movie was totally great at first when we came in, the movie has started half way through, I seat beside all my bestie friends that is Kechiq,Bengap and Nad and so on.. I can tell you the whole list of people that who seats where but I can tell that Ariffin and Nana was not at there because Ariffin got tuition and Nana gotta go home..

On weekday, which people will have their open house on weekdays..?? That makes sense too..
But am visiting and also in the same time collecting collection of $$$..I know my intention kinda weird but thats what all of the teenagers thinks about..

I MISS MR SUNSHINE A LOT ! ! !

2009-10-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Im a sentimental person and now Im

writing letters for my classmate

and thats include my Sunshine..

Sunshine, we gonna go on our way

soon..Make a eye contact with you during

examination,my feelings of is so great that

I dont mind seating downbeside him and

making eye contact with him and he really

make my day with full of joyful and happiness

even now I can feel it.. It feels very great to like

someone and you'll start to imagine things that

can make you surprise and go wild..maybe I

really overboard..I'm just getting "obessed"

by him.Is that the right word for him or

what..hahaha..?

Mr Sunshine, Goodbye..

2009-10-05T05:54:00.000-07:00

Today, instead of studying maths. Im typing letter for my classmate all of those 38 people and I told myself if I can write a comic until 100 page why cant I write a letter for 38 people..its fun typing all those stuff because it came from my deep bottom of my heart..some people may think that Im bull shitting just to get in people's good book, if you know what I mean..

Just a normal human being, biding goodbye to all my friends, I can say that I will be the first person to cry during the farewell assembly and I have to be cold-blooded for once, how I wish someone could help me with it. Once I cry there will no stopping of it, I will cry as if everyone of them gonna died..TOUCH WOOD! That's the only word that I can think of..

Someone help me, Im really afraid that Im unable to stopped crying..Recently, I cry like a billion times because of this farewell assembly thinking when will I be seeing all of them again and how will they look like and will they be able to recongnise one another especially my Sunshine, will he be able to recongnise my new look...Will he or will he not..??

FORGET OF EVERYTHING ! ! !

2009-10-05T03:48:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday ; 29 Sep 2009

Today, I was not in emotion condition but mostly is laughing and giggling around the school and making a very loud noise whenever Sunshine is not around in the class so I will purpose will make a noise..

SORRY, CANT THINK OF WHAT EXACTLY HAPPEN ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY!!

SO, I WILL NOT BE TYPING ANYTHING ON THIS POST!!

2009-10-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

On Monday; 28 Sep 2009,

was a crazy crazy day for me and emotions started to show up and I was like STMF! Idiot, all because of an idiot..Cry and cry but only my friends know about it and I cry from 8 am in the morning till 10 plus and it was all because of someone that first time in my life I cry this bad because I like my classmate that is malay and I was really pathetic on that day then during few periods later, I went crazy and I was disturbing my classmate like crazy and then I keep throwing things at my friends and scribbling papers on my friends and after went for a movie at Jubilee with my bestie Natasha watching Phobia 2 after a while shouting here and there, put our feets/leg at the chair where no one seat but then after a while I was burping like one idiot after sharing the popcorn with Natasha..Hahaha..Kinda funny, shouting here and there..Especially Natasha, she will shout when it's the most disgusting and scariest parts of the movie..Totally scary..

2009-09-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

On Friday, watch movie at AMK Hub bought ticket around 1 plus with

Xiao Wei,Si Li,Ariffin,Wei Rong,Fiona,Vanessa,Jia Hao,Klein and I..while waiting for some people to come, we were wondering at the cinema like one beggar..haha..dont get offended for those who is involved..pathetically, Xiao Wei was the one who organized this and I was kinda freak out wondering that person will be watching the movie too..After few minutes, we decided to eat at banquet..and that person looks cools in his home clothes but I didn't talk much with him because he wanna to be this way so I just follow his way then and after a while I cant take it any longer..Inside the theatre,Jia Hao seat at outside and that person seat beside Xiao Wei and I seat beside her and beside me is Vanessa and then Fiona,Si Li,Ariffin and lastly Wei Rong..haha..I can say its kinda a lot of people after watching the movie, we dont have any idea whether to go home or not..Klein,Jia Hao and Fiona going somewhere that is not home..Si Li,Xiao Wei and Ariffin going home same as for Vanessa and I went home too..

2009-09-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

morning got haze that from far I can see and its kinda thick..

in class, was kinda empty but slowly people start to comes in due to the lightning at outside and there was no morning assembly and after that is EBS lesson and we do theory paper because we haven't yet take the N level EBS paper and first period, I did and after few minutes, my friends talks to me and I stopped for a while for a least half a period..after that is Eng language and I sneak out at just to go to toilet and I did and I went in and out of the classroom from the back door and freak out because my friends get to go out but I have to go out sneaking..on the way to the washroom hits the wall and injured my back and my hand..freak as usual..after that is recess, ate my breakfast cum lunch, and after that is Sci and it's damn boring and I wrote something on my left hand and it says "Science lesson is so boring"..besides it's double period and I can easily die at the spot..and after that I followed Khaliff to his classroom and all of sudden I sense that something is going on that is people from another class is throwing all kind of stuff and I didn't know that I seat in the middle of the classroom and soon or later, someone throw a newspaper at me and I hurt my head and I was also staring with that person and guess what he laugh at me because the newspaper hit at me and I was about to say "WTF" but I did not say it..and then their maths teacher is here and I went to my own classroom..It's Maths lesson and guess wat are we doing..paper and paper and n level paper that can make me drive to my grave..and then got scolding from mdm chong and that person just cut in not knowing that Im that person and after few minutes of doing the questions, I went bonkers because I does not know how to count what's that and I mad at myself for being such a dumb and then few minutes later, when I was very angry people start to throw shuttlecock at me and I was throwing it back at them and not knowing who throw the thing at me and my friends told me at that guy presence that he's the one who throw it. At that moment, itself.. I was so angry that I threw the clock at him because I was such a dumb ass and I went off..after few minutes, I went back to classroom and my friends wants to return my calculator back and I went my friends place and guess what..The calculator is already at my bag and I scolded or even say "CB" even though my form teacher is inside the classroom..

2009-09-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

come to school just in time,

going to be late but what can I do is

quickly walk..and talk and talk

during assembly time,

had a hair spot check, who's in deep

shit not the girls,not me but the boys,

their sideburns..we,girl clip here and there

and we can go already..

first two period maths and that's so bored

early in the morning maths lesson..

how bored it is..first period got do

my work and when the seconds

period get so tired

keep yawning here and there

and feeling very sleepy

thanks to my sleeping hours tat I

only sleep for six hours..

then, a lot of things happen but not

that interesting at all

but during VE lesson, need to take

class photo for the last time and

that's so boring..talk to my friends

about that particular person

and thanks to my good friends wondering

where will he standing at..

while waiting, keep looking at him..

he wore the tie look really smart on him

and very happy to see him wearing that tie..

am happy and when taking pictures

what my friends say, it did really happen..

he's stand behind me and I was kinda

freak out at that moment..and I keep fidgeting after those

people, and at that spot I got scolded wif those people

and I was kinda embarrassed because he scolded me in front of everyone..

He look kinda cool and good-looking when he wore his tie..

He looks totally cool that I can be easily melting right on the spot..

I know that Im kinda going overboard by saying those stuff but what can I say Im getting obsessed by him and I will never get tired of him because I had a special feelings for him but if I had a major crush on that particular person once I had a major crush and I will like him and will never get tired of him..

2009-09-22T05:03:00.000-07:00

school fun and noisy but things going for me is kinda perfect

especially these months, things have really gone

my way, one outing was successful that is break

fast together and kinda fun keep taking pictures

like no one business and that's fun and after

a while take my own pic and its fun and fun..

nowadays, I feel that I'm a photogenic person rather

than those days emoing at one corner..

fun and fun and fun all I can think is fun and

some of the hottest actor in America

that is Paul Wesley..hahaha..lols..

at the moment, I'm having a bad chest pains

feels as I'm gonna died at this minutes,

really in pain and I will just have to

endure until the pain is gone.

people may thought that I'm talking nonsense but actually

I'm not talking nonsense..

2009-09-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

At some parts, its kinda weird..

Especially on the last part because there's one

guy take pictures with me hahahahaha..lols..

2009-09-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

Paul Wesley is the hottest guy..

I know Im kinda going too overboard..

I just like him a lot..I'm melting like an ice..

He's much more good-looking than Robert Pattinson..
Right now,I'm feeling like singing "Hot n Cold" by Katty Perry..

He's just too hot for me..Hot stuff.I cant miss it..

I can see that the picture looks as if he has R.I.P.

but he's just too hot stuff that I have to let him go..

How I Wish I Can Dream Of Him....

I think too much about him...

2009-09-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

He's more handsome/good-looking and cool then

Robert Pattinson, the guy that Ive been talking about is Paul Wesley..

Robert Pattinson, no offense..Paul Wesley is more cool and good-looking,

I can feel that I am melting like ice..

From top, Robert Pattinson and the below is Paul Wesley..

Hot stuff..Even though, I only watch the previews..I can tell that

he's more good-looking..

As you can see in Twilight, Robert use a make up for his face to make

him look like vampire where else Paul did not use any make-up at all and that's

look more natural..

I talk like no one business..

Hahaha..LOLS...

I just feel that Paul Wesley is more hot than anyone maybe

except Robert Pattinson, I guess..

Hahahahaha..LOLS...

Flashing Back On the First Day Of Raya

2009-09-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

my beloved dad and I..

my family photo that's there's dad,elder sis,second sis,

fourth sis and also me..

we are kinda photogenic except for mum..

photo wif mum..

Isnt this nice or is it called beautiful..??

hahahaha..lols..

Pictures of siblings and cousin..

how I wish everyday is like this..

NO WAY!! GHOST..you are spoiling my mood on Hari Raya

you're getting in my way..you're not letting me to celebrate..

Wherever I go, there's always a ghost behind me,

how unlucky can I get..

from left hand corner,2nd sister,me,cousin,

elder sister and cousin..

Pictures here and there..what to do

nothing better things that I can do..
From left corner, two cousin in pink,

me in the middle and my sister ..

sticking out the tongue..omg..Im gonna
vomit blood soon..haha..lols..

For fun..Donald Duck..

Quck..Quck.. look like an

IDIOT..!!

my disgusting elder sister and also me...

haha, both of us are the same..Elder sister on left wearing black,Second sister on right wearing white, Fourth sister wearing white in the middle and lastly me in the middle of my elder sisters..
Aunt and I during Hari Raya. my small sisters in white, cousin in silver and that's me in black.. my faVe aunt and I..

2009-09-19T07:16:00.000-07:00

right now at this minute I'm writing a letter for my whole class I'm just writing for them because that's the only thing that I can give them, I'm just getting more and more emotional day by day, maybe I will cry without noticing myself that there is teardrops on my hand..even now when I want to type this my heart is shaking and feeling like crying so much because I'm afraid that I will never see my classmate again..perhaps I'm thinking too much but I know I got to face the reality that secondary school life will not be forever that it has to go on and maybe we will meet again 5 years down the road..while all of them are running after their own goals. That's include myself too running after my own goal maybe I might not be in Singapore, maybe I will be all around the world working very hard and maybe after 6 years later then I might come back to Singapore..maybe I'm just thinking too much about it..

2009-09-19T04:00:00.000-07:00

These pictures are edited by me..
Due to my bored to the core and wanna keep
myself busy because Im bored to death..
Sounds kinda pathetic,isnt it..?
Hahaha..bored to the core at the
moment..very the bored..

2009-09-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

in the morning, kinda talkative..talk and talk..then first two period is PE lesson and every PE lesson will have to do 2.4 or even 5 items..getting fed up wif some potato teacher..how bad luck can I get to have this kind of teacher..that person is not wearing the attire and get scolded and get canning but some how I dont look at him that doesnt mean I dont care but Im care inner of my heart even though I dont take a look at him but during PE lesson, I noticed that he did give me strange or even weird look and I just like "whatever" towards him and we were at the hall..

tbc..

2009-09-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

somehow I organized quite a lot of last minute outing that all the Malay students go break-fast together and I know that some of them encounter quite a lot of problem, for example of what to wear and so on and after few days..they have agreed of what to wear and where to meet..As for the boys, they will meet at the venue while the girls are taking ride from Mr Shaiful and that's include me too..My three friends was late and both Mr Shaiful and I waited and waited that it took at least 20 minutes to let them reach at my place..We talk and talk inside the car as we are on they way to the place we talk and talk but Mr Shaiful noticed that Im kinda keeping quiet thinking someone that I started to like but Im kinda sure that its not my CLASSMATE..If I would ever like my own CLASSMATE, I would rather jump down the building rather than going through all kinds of things with some person..