If you cant challenge yourself by overcoming your fear,I dont see the point of living in this world.


Theres really no point in living if you dont challege yourself.


This will be my next year resolution in advance.


Things that I have done in my entire life was that to confess to a guy that I hardly known and that was shocking to my life ever. The moment was totally awkward but after awhile the guy start to avoid from me and my thoughts was that he doesnt like you and/or he doesnt know how to react and that was the first thing that I have ever done and thats my fear of confessing my love to someone but that wasnt the first one.

My first confession is when I was only 14 years old and I like this guy for almost 3 years straight and only my girl-friends know about this. There was once, I was his buddy and after awhile we fought over something trivial that we hated each other so much. After that incident, both of us stopped talking to each other.

Then after hating and dislike him so much that it wanna make me to confess to him again when both of us was 15 years old and until now I can still remember his birthday and what was his number in the past. I wanted to confess to him on the sec 3 adventure camp where all of the stream gather around to have camp for 3 days and 2 night! But it doesnt happen at all.

I dont wish to say so much and its been 3 years that Ive last opened up my heart.

Earlier on, I break fast eat fish soup. Mum cooks chinese cuisine as usual. Then after that had a private conversation with dad and today's topics was that is it good to get married along with parents arrangement or just find by myself and I brought the topic because I dreamt about me marry with a stranger and I will feel and find alot of awkwardness between my husband and I so I asked my dad an Q & A question about marriage wanting to know much more depth info bout marriage.Few minutes ago, I ask my dad alot of questions bout marriage, for example, why did the bride cry when she hug her parents, does the couple feel awkwardness when 2 strangers stay in 1 house, does the wife needs the husbands permission to go out, when a lawfully wedded husband kiss on the wife's forehead, what does that mean. Is there any special meaning for that, what if you marry a person but another party has a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Flashback on my sunday's dream that is I get married with this guy and looks someone like Rahman(VE colleague) and hes muscular but kinda sensitive since my parents arranged this wedding that Ive asked them to. I went out with Nabeel(my religion friend) since we always bumped to each other at town area and he send me home even though he has married and until wad happen that both my husband and I are working at the same company and in the same time my bestfriend, Natasha was working in the same company as me and I shift my chair to Natasha and I talk to her and my husband turns his chair and wanting to hear everything after few minutes Natasha and I talked at the kitchen at the office and I was talking bout Nabeel with Natasha and he heard bout it and when its going home timee, both my husband and I took bus went back home besides we do have our vehicles and inside the bus both of us hold hands even though we are pissed off and we went up at the second storey of the bus, then when we have seated down, and I started to say something, "hey, even though when we've been married with each other for 3 months, Im still feeling awkward because we're seating together"and after that theres an empty seats and he shift there and I was kinda fed up and I gave Nabeel a call to meet up with me.

TBC!

Im free from him and because I have stopped liking him and now Im alone for once again. I wont like him back just because my friend ask me to but I will follow my heart but now my feelings for him is not there and I see no points liking him when we dont talk to each other. I will only end up getting hurt if Im waiting for him and because Im waiting for him secretly and its so pointless so I guess I'll just stopped the journey with him. In future days, there will be no update about him at all and Im glad that it end this way.

Even if people ask me, why arent you attached and I will tell them, I dont find anyone that interested like how I like Dinni and not because Im not straight or what and the fact that Im straight but Im not interested in this thing. I depend too much on myself that I missed out on this kind of thing and even I dont have anyone now in time to come, there'll be someone will share my happiness and it may not be happen now but one fine day with someone that much more better than Dinni and all for now I could said that Im happy with what I have and it doesnt really matter whether I have my soulmate with me at this kind of time. Im really happy with those friends that is surrounding me.

I want to go here and break fast but my best-sec-mate are so demanding as I didnt see him at all. Very demanding but seriously the views during the nights is soo nice.

Beast/B2st - Change [Dance Battle 2010]

Yo Seob is so cute and the guy is his hair in blonde-white. Hes cute and I didnt expected that hes 20+ years old and I thought hes only 19+ but whatever its BEAST, I like!

seriously, this time Im gonna move on with my life and theres something tat I wish to clarify bout Dinni. I no longer like him and all along I though I have feelings for him but actually my heart was just empty that I couldnt feel my heartbeat is beating very fast whenever I see him and I sometimes I just yearn to see him at school thats all. At last once or twice would be enough for me but now everything isnt the same like how it used to be and in the past I had feelings for him but now I dont have any feelings for him at all. This feelings has faded away since 3 months ago after that huge quarrel and so what we are friends back but we're not talking to each other and I dont see the point that we are back together as friend for. If marriage is just a piece of paper and how about friendship? You tell me about it. Is it piece of shit, piece of cake or piece of fun? I dont see the fun in our friendship and if you dare to come upto me that Im ur friend in front of your friend, I would belive you but this in nohing and so what I noe everything about him but we are not talking to each other at all. We are merely friends but we are not talking to each other and I guess I'll just stop my journey and things that got to do with you, Dinni. happy in your life.

Hey boy, are you sure that we are friends but in the last few weeks, my feelings wasnt there for you anymore and what does that means and do you understand my sentences and are we friends just @ FB? Like what I am trying to say that Marriage is just based on piece of a paper so is it the same as friendship with Dinni. This is how I feel towards Dinni bout my friendship and so what even if I know him in and out, whats the use but we dont talk to each other at all and we cant even bother to say hi to each other @ school. Seriously, whats the use?

Im not so over Dinni yet and thats for sure.

On Tuesday after the first lesson at school , first time ever

I hit my knuckles against this wooden plank inside workshop.

Right now, Im typing letters for my CA. Unofficial letter and I dont really have any idea how long will this take for this to happen. When on Monday night, I pray to God to put an illness inside my body, and if hes willing to do that then next day, it will raining and the next day it did rain heavily and somehow I forgetten what Ive wished on the previous days and it took quite awhile that he has received my prayers that he will put an illness inside my body. Now, Im coughing very badly and theres times that my tears will be automatically when Im praying to God and what I wished for, only He and I know bout this . Its between both of us. I can never tell my sad and unhappy moments with my parents or even anyone. I will only share it with Him. He brought me to this world and I only believes on Him. He is my saviour and I will love Him even though I cant see or even feel his presence but I know He'll always be there when I need him. What comes around goes around. I believe in karma.

For once again, I went MIA for 3 days and I diverted all my calls to my voicemails. Im not sure how long will this takes but if it possible I do really want to go back to schools and it feels that Im hidding @ home. Mum and Dad asked me, " what time you start school?" and I say around 9 plus or even sometimes I changed the timing. How long am I going to do this? I will have to face them once and for all. Dont make me fight back. I could even slap a bitch like you. Just dont test my limit and if you do that you will see the bad side of me and you wish that me behaving this way, I can prove it to you and if you liked it. Dont make my anger come out fully. The first time that my anger went out when I hit my knuckles towards this wooden plank. Dont push your luck too much and now Im hurting myself. Dont make me hit my knuckles Dont test my limit and thats all I could say to you.

Again not sure whether Im going to school or not. Maybe yes or no. Can YOU help me decide whether to go or not? I'll just follow my heart whether I should go to school or not. Listen to my heart and it will not go wrong for sure and my heart say tonight that I dont have to go school again for 3 more days and I really went MIA in action. My good friend, Afiqah told me to ignore them but Im an egoist person but I just cant put with those person anymore. All I could say that between Syifa and I are really went to nought and it seems that its really over.Our friendship is ruined by that bitch and what makes that shortie to say things bout me. Just her luck, I admit that she has that beautiful face but her character is really bullshit and I hate her alot and thanks to this female bitch I really gonna her so much. Son of a biatch! Dont make me hate you for life. My hatred towards you is not over even though its a sin to hate someone and besides everyone makes mistake. Im a person that will not be able to forgive and forget and besides Im bearing the grudges that its deep inside my heart, no forgiveness for that bitch!

Even though I didnt came to class and when I was otw to the forum to meet Nana and I happen to see Dinni and I thought I would be excited but I wasnt at any mood to look at him at all, and all I could do was just weird and thats I look down and didnt look at him at all but before that I saw a pair of shoe that look alike his shoe and I did that look up at his face whether its Dinni or not and its him but at time I wasnt in the mood at all so I couldnt care much about him.. Even though its almost like double happiness like Dad gave me money $36 for top-up card and school bag and now I happen to see Dinni even though Im feeling down and that wouldnt heal anything and thats all I could say.

My bestfriend and that is thumbdrive has been found at the MLC! But I never went to class and all I do was just I spent almost 5 hours at school just to do my project and tap my ezlink card stating that I actually came and now Im totally running away from my problem. I went MIA for 2 days and no one actually called or text me about my whereabouts. Now, Im guilty about MIA afor not coming to school and now Im not sure whether I want to go school tomorrow, this is the first time ever that I did not went to school for 2 days and I couldnt imagine that I never come to school for 2 weeks and thats really MIA gone case. But now, whats really on my mind is that I would want to write my CA a letter stating the truth that Im actually went MIA that I dont want to face those people inside my class.

Im back with Dinni, as in Im friend with him. I wrote him a message saying "Hey, Im not sure whether you still remember me or not. Can I be friends with you? I really want to be friends and I noe its not right for a girl to ask a guy this questions, all I wants to say to you that Im sorry about what happen and I know I was wrong, can we be friends?" and he reply me back saying "yeah sure" and when I read the message and I can feel that my heart is started to beat very fast. Good news, Im back with my heartbeat together. Im really happy that it started to beat very fast! Im back alive!