today was a raining and windy day,
my mood was totally changed like all of sudden,
all I could say that I saw Dinni @ Cafe 1 around 12plus!

Dinni in blue jacket wearing maroon polo t-shirt.

then saw Aidil, Husaini, Ghazali and somehow his classmate

and when I walked passed them, they were talking bout his classmate

saying Jacob biscuits and when I pass them and hear them talking bout it

and I listen to them.then when I see his classmate and I told myself, he either

never come to school or he is in school and maybe im not in luck to see him

at all. and den going to cafe 1 for meeting for projects( i will skip onto seeing dinni),

den at cafe 1, I spot him with his classmate and due to not seeing him around with Aidil and the rest. When I spotted him, I wasnt being myself at all. My reaction is totally over-reacting.

Im really glad that I happen to see him. His face didnt really change that much except for his hair ,still the same. Pfft..Somehow, his hair got changed a little bit like Taemin (SHINEE).

Then queuing to pay the drinks and saw Mickey Mouse and again, went crazy for once again. Like in two combo sets, so cool. Wait, am I eating or what, why do I say it was in combo?

Pathetic, my heart color is in pink but not that black that much. Cool,isnt it? A miracle for me and Im back in the past of Dinni and I. It sounds great, isnt it?

hey boy, why am I waiting and searching for you @ school. dont tell me that Ive started to like you or what. Im not sure whether Ive started to like you or not. You broke my heart once and I dont really want to feel it that way again. Im not trying to say that its not a good idea but I just want it to be the same but my feelings for him didnt really faded that much at all.

OMG! I see Dinni again while I was waiting for my next lesson @ Business block and when I see him , I cant be myself and I cant even look @ him at all. He has that fiery eyes that makes me avoid to make an eye contact with him. The feeling is totally scary. Even when hes not that near me, I would still be afraid to make an eye contact with him, not trying to say that I cant but its just that your eyes are too fiery for me to handle but still Ive seen you thrice today and its because Im having a lesson and in the same time, your class is just beside me and remember this, I only miss ya but not starting to like you.

Dinni, even though you are in front of me but not such a near distance but still Im not that bold enough to look @ you in yours eyes and even though you doesnt really recognise me anymore and I dont really mind @ all because you've forgotten me and I had gone from your life like forever and ever, but deep in my heart felts that you're the sweetest memory have I ever had in my life.

Im not giving up a forest just because of a tree and you're the last guy that Im gonna like.

I saw Dinni again twice like 1 a week I see him !! Wah!! So happy and just in time I miss him alot and I did get blushed and no one noticed at all. Im glad that Ive seen him! Im really happy! Missing him too much this days but not that much larh. Hahaha. Well, I dont really get to see him everyday like in the past and now I only have to pinned hope and luck whether I can see him or not. Happy alooot that I get to see him and how I wish I can sing but my voice is damn awful to the max.

Hey there, remember that I miss ya aloot but not the other way round and if I were to like you again and I dont think that is possible to happen because its sinking deep inside my heart, even if theres a small chance that I might like him but it would happen because it has already sinking deep and deeper. I will only have a crush and after that its gone. I dont wish to have another heartbreak again. I dont want to pinned too much hope on him. Ending up, that me , myself getting hurt.

I cant imagined if I were to have a boy-friend that much more better than Dinni but in the same time, if you were to go home with him and etc. For me, it'll be totally awkward for me to hold with someone that is a guy. I cant imagine that. I want to slim down myself not for boys but for myself!! I want to be much different, can I?

i couldnt believe that i just did tat, tat i want to laugh so much. im such a silly girl. hahaha.

miss her alot. her smile. her kindness towards everyone.

love her alot but it seems that i cant find that smile in my soul anymore and just feels that shes gone just like that.

already gone reminds me of kelly clarkson's song. hahaha.

In Loving Memory Of this is me. Nur Hidayu /Shayu Kim

13 April 1993 - 25 July 2010

Due to Brain Tumour.

May You Rest In Peace In Heaven.

* I was jokking around and dont take it seriously and as I was being bored to death and thats why I had this idea of doing this joke and I was just fooling around.*

im not broken hearted girls and its just that i want to know whats the different between emotions and love. im kinda dumbass when it comes to a relationship and in the past, I thought Im an expert when it comes to it but not it proves me wrong. i no longer feel any love in my life and i think that im turning to heart of stone instead of heart of red color. can i still turn back time and be myself like in the past.

what does this mean when a person cough very badly as if something bad will happen to her?

what does this mean when a person cough very badly that she cough with blood along with it?

does that means her days are numbered?

should she gave up just like that without trying hard to live her day?

or should she spend her day wisely until her day is up?

what if she wish that she have leukaemia or even brain tumour so that she'll be able to leave the world with peace even though she doesnt mind not having any boyfriend,husband or even children and for her, death is the best way for her to let go of everything and soon people will forget bout her and they will keep doing sin and doesnt repent.

do you want your beloved ones to leave you after another?

or should she just rest in peace without worry bout anything and leave everything to her family?

Dont give up a forest just because of a tree.

Even if my life span has been shorten, Im grateful that Im able to live happily until my days has been numbered and now I'll just leave happily even though my days has numbered.

I may not be in love now, but somehow He wanted me to give it a rest so that I wont be so broken heart after previous incident.

Besides Im not mad at him after what has happen, its good that him had told me the truth but not the lies.

Im just angry with myself, Im forcing someone to like me even though they dont even know me that well.

All I know that I will not force someone to like me but I will let time to make me heal my wound before Im going to start anything that concern my hearts

As far Im concern, my heart is sinking deeper and deeper. I dont mind that my heart is sinking deeper and deeper or even sink it more deep.

Kim Hyun Joong is so handsome too!! Love him aloooot!! Love him to the max!! But too bad his twin brother that is Dinni has cut his hair and transform himself onto Lee Taemin's hairstyles.

Lee Min Ho is soooooooooo handsome in Personal Taste, he look so handsome with his spikey hair. I love that kind of hairstyle and can I find someone with hairstyle like that? Its really so freaking handsome!!

The curse is broken that Dinni has made previous month after we had a huge argument and today while I was having my tea break and I was eating and I didnt really notice whoever was passing by and when Syifa came back and ask me , did you see him at here and I was like who.. and she say its Dinni and she say he has a new hairstyle like Taemin (SHINEE) and I was like; really. I told myself I will not search for him and I will wait for the chance to come then I will look at him and when my three of my friend went to toilet and my another girl-friend of mine was looking at someone focused and I ask her and I asked her, who is she looking at and she say to me , isnt that afiq/dinni and I turned back and check out whether it was him or not and indeed it was him and I continued to do my own stuff and after that I began to be curious how he looks and I keep turning around and I didnt get to see his face but only the side view and after that Wasi start to comment on me turning around and say, keep looking at boys (malay). and Dinni was at the snack bar and I turned behind again and finally I get to see him and I tell myself that the curse has broken.

OMG! I lost my USB that fills with all kinds of picture and docs!

SHIT!!

now, Im going to have a changes on my liking a person and that is I like Gay Boys that is handsome;hot stuff. Do they even exist?

why hot guy that is straight is like a jerk?! Arsshole!

Im still into the storyboardline called "Wedding dress" and its because aizal is leaving me for ryan and because Im dying due to my so called "illness". I shall stopped this as Im kinda tired of this thing at the moment.





Yesterday was touch rugby training and my first impression of the seniors was that they are having conflict for one thing got one guy the hairstyle was like totally like Rifdi(someone) or even Dinni's hairstyle but much longer.His fair was so much fairer than Rifdi.



Hey Rifdi, dont mind me. I was just giving example.

I guess I've forgetten about him. Totally went out of mind and it seems that its really gone at this minute and I find it very silly of me to let go of everything that I had in just few while and all I could say that I was stupid to let that tiny happiness to let go of this tiny opportunity and thats all I could say but as times comes by, I will forget about it and now Im in the process of forgetting him and I dont feel pain at all and this is the first time that I feel this away and its surprising for me to feel this way and now Im getting tired of this phrase " Im so sorry but I love you" and thats how I feel at this minute while writing down the storyboardline called "Wedding Dress" and I know the title of the storyboardline is kinda weird but I like it alot and its because Im the author of the story. I mean, isnt that the obvious enough that I enjoy it this much.

Im so sorry but I love you but the wishes has been grant and now I cant take back my words.How? I guess, I will just have to let it go. Im so sorry but I love you and thanks to my foul mouth, I cant take back my words since it has been grant.Maybe He wants to teach me a lesson of not wishing someone that I love to be gone from my life. So, Im so sorry but I love you. Only God knows what does this mean all about. Even Im not sure, what color is y heart at the moment and all I could say its sorrowful in my heart and too much sad in it. Its been ages that I didnt hear anything thats called, "I like you" or even "Hes so handsome" and the last time that I said that when I like Dinni and thats like almost 2 months ago. Theres once , I cursed Dinni's love life, saying that "hoping that your love life will be full of relationship" and now it seems to be at me.So, I guess I believe in karma.

it seems that that person is really gone from my life and it seems that this time round, my wish has come true and during my school days, I tried to go to the forum where we sees each other at there but he wasnt at there at all.since, im a stuborn girl that wanted to get what i want and think of others while shes in the last place bout everything so I guess, I only think of my pride when it comes to relationship. Can I take back my wishes that I wanted to have that making him gone from me? But, when I dont see him I will start to search for him everytime I sat at the forum. Can I take back my words and its been 2-4 days that I didnt see him. Only You knows what exactly I meant by that. I will not say it out loud because everything is in my heart and now Im not sure what color is my heart is. But somehow, I've the answer and thats heart of black.thats all I could say for now. God, can I really take back my words? Lets make a trade, if I saw him or even took a glance and after that I will walk away and now its his turn not seeing me anymore. Can I take back my words? I LOVE YOU ALOT, ALLAH.

I guess that person has gone from my life like I wish to happen and I guess my wish has come true but now Im back to one square that Im playing game at school with my mate and again today, I did search for him @ the forum area and this happen on the same time that I was again searching for him but I really wished that he'll be gone from my life. Im so sorry, love. Im really a dumbass when it comes to love no matter how hardworking am I but I really have no interested in relationship not trying to say that Im a lesbo or wad.just feel that its not the right time for me to have a relationship.Im single. All the single ladies.

I guess somehow Im like liking someone but I feel that everytime I see him because hes my classmate's cousin and at times, I spot him at anywhere I go and sometimes I will say to my mate,"hey, your cousin is at there." and today,I was somehow seating at the forum and I was seating nearby the Cafe 1 and somehow I was like looking/searching for him at the same time and when my three of my mate went to the bookshop and leaving me at the forum all alone and I was already like," how come its me the one who stay at the forum all alone" and after that I was searching for him and when we were about to head for our next lesson, we walk pass the business block and I saw him with his classmate. I didnt really know that he was seating just beside me in between the podium and I was already like shocked and surprised at the same time, like trying to ask myself, "how on earth did he appear at there?" and when I heading to the next lesson. then, my mate asked me to photocopy a timetable and I went with Azlin and when we get at the bookshop and before that we wanted to go nearby the Cafe 2 den I said, its different and when I went beside the Co-op shop, when we went towards Cafe 2, again we saw each other. Just not sure whether I like him or do I just want to end my misery by letting myself to like someone that I dont really noe and bout this and now I wish this feelings of mine will be gone and if I were to be attached with that someone, will they be able to accept that I wanted to be with them because I want to end all of this misery of mine. Will they?

I dont understand why I cant talk to boys but I can make an eye contact with him but I dont dare to look up in their eyes that long.I will either "naikkan kening" to them and they will do the same towards me.Is it because I was hurt too much thats why He want me to rest for awhile but now I dont feel the love in my heart anymore.I just feel really empty that I couldnt feel love in my heart.Usual I will feel there's an red heart within me but not its black heart is within me, maybe I should really rest and think nothing about this.Then,from there maybe I can live more happily without boys and I think this should be the mindset,have a positive mindset throughout the year will be better, no problems and theres no need to sacrifice anything at all.So, I guess hes telling me to have a long break so that I wont feel anymore heartbreak by anyone.

Its been ages that I post my past life.So it has been really ages and if Im not wrong, its been like almost a year that I have not post anything here and now I dont have any idea why I end up logging in and posting in blogger instead of onsugar. Alot of happen in this few years and somehow this blog is a private blog and I guess this is wear I can put my pain and sorrow in here.Last year till now, Im still single for at least 5 years and how long will it take for me to attached not trying to say that Im a desperado or what just feel that Im kinda pathetic and lonely with my life.Its been 7 months and Im single and now I cant imagine if I were single for 5 years.How will it feel.Life will be pathetic and I thought I can live without boys but Im afraid that I was wrong. I just feel that I want to be like any of the girls in these world.I really cant imagine when I see all of my friends and cousin are getting married,engaged and attached while Im single at one corner.